NUMBERS SUCK!

 ALERT the press I am finally posting a new blog!!!! :)  WARNING it's more of a rambling/bitch fest than a fun blog so BEWARE!

Well it's here, October, the month I have been both looking forward to and dreading for the last few months. The Nike Women's Marathon is just 13 short days away. Boy, has this training been quite the ride. One word to sum it up---HARD But guess what? I CAN and will CONTINUE TO DO HARD THINGS!!!! 

First of all, I hate my knee. I have been dealing with knee problems since the first of May. 2 weeks before my first full marathon to be exact.  I had to get an injection for my pes anserine bursitis (One of my previous blogs explains all about it) just to run it. Once I got the injection I felt like a MILLION bucks! No knee pain during my marathon, or for several weeks after.  I continued to put the miles in and didn't let my body/knee have a well deserved rest..why ?? Oh yeah, because I signed up to run the NWM in San Fran before I even finished my first marathon :/

 Once I started getting into the higher mileage of my training it HURT. My knee slowed me down and that PISSED me off, which in turn made me want to push harder. I could only focus on my slower pace and how running was becoming more of a chore. Seeing my 8:30-8:45 miles become history absolutely defeated me. I was so focused on the "numbers" I was oblivious to the fact my knee was swelling and bruising after long runs and it really needed a little TLC. I kept going, and going, and getting slower, and slower, and then just plain BITTER.  Negativity took over me. I  starting wondering why the hell I am even running. The joy was gone. Yeah, runners high? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! I think even along the way I let my frustration interfere with my normal life and I think I maybe took it out on the people closest to me. NOT GOOD! It was literally all I could think about.

 I gave up. I stopped running for basically 3 full weeks. I maybe racked up a grand total of 15 miles in those three weeks. I felt awful! Completely sluggish, fat, lazy, and like a complete failure. I have wanted nothing more than to run this marathon and now I was giving up?! After a couple days of my pity party, I decided to get my big girl panties on and do something, ANYTHING, to give myself a chance to run this race. I was even thinking about dropping to the half. I mean I got into the lottery for this race, I have never been to San Fran, and DAMNIT I want that Tiffany's finishers necklace. I made an appt with an orthopedic doc I work with in the OR. I went for my appt and left in tears. Based on my exam and my described symptoms he was about 90% sure I had a torn meniscus. Which means SURGERY and no marathon. I had to go for an MRI the next tuesday which would seal my fate.

If you haven't figured it out by now-- NO TORN MENISCUS!! Once again, pes anserine bursitis and a very ANGRY inflamed MCL. I almost didn't know how to feel about it. On one hand I was ECSTATIC, this meant there was still a chance I could run this race. On the other hand surgery would fix the problem and I could go through rehab and be back at it for a spring race and be pain free. Bursitis just sort of made me feel like a pansy. But FYI, it's real and it HURTS! I went for my follow up appt, discussed running the marathon, and left with an injection a butt load of anti-inflammatory meds and a little bit of hope. Dr. Palmer thought I was crazy for wanting to run the marathon, but said I wasn't going to do any long term damage to my actual knee joint if I run this race. BUT that a lot of CROSS training should be in my near future after the race!!!! WAHOOOO!!!!!!

The rest is history! I have slowly come along and gotten my long training runs in. This training go around hasn't been quite what I had hoped for, but I have managed to get back on track and have had an 18 and a 20.5 mile run that went alright. That's all I can ask for at this point. Yes, I am at a slower pace but a run is a FREAKING run. TIME IS JUST A TIME... TIME IS JUST A DAMN NUMBER. 26.2 is 26.2 NO MATTER how you look at it. A lot of people would KILL to have the courage to run a marathon, and that's one of many reasons I want to keep running marathons--For those people, the OLD ME who never thought it was possible!!!

This whole marathon thing has really given me a chance to think. Why do I obsess with NUMBERS. What is it about pace, splits, and PR's?!? Why can't I be satisfied with running and DOING it. Doing it for me, my HEALTH, and my SANITY. When did I stop patting myself on the back for my accomplishments?

This naturally got me thinking (NEWS FLASH---I THINK WAY TOO DAMN MUCH--about EVERYHING!) about other NUMBERS I obsess over in my life.  My pant SIZE, the NUMBER on the scale, the NUMBER in my bank account...NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS....Yeah, I hate em.  I may never run a BQ marathon, I probably will never have the right number in my bank account, and the scale---HELL i'll never be satisfied. I'm currently at a weight I only dreamed of 2 years ago and yup, NOT good enough anymore. Life is a constant battle, but I'm choosing not to fight this one anymore. I'm lucky to be able to run, I'm lucky and fortunate to have a job, my health, my family, my friends---Yeah i'm friggin LUCKY and I'm runnin' the NWM in 13 days!!!! SAN FRAN OR BUST!!!!

TALK ABOUT A SCENIC COURSE!!!

A VERY FITTING QUOTE!!
There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

- Stacey Charter

WOOT WOOT!!!!